Week 3: Our first week all together

The following updates were originally posted on our facebook page for Eloise on February 12-18 2021

Friday, February 12, 2021 We’ve had 5 days home

A summarized update on how we’ve been doing.

1. We’ve been experimenting with shifts and sleep.

We discovered quite quickly that if Brian’s sleep is interrupted (even if he gets a ton of it) he is very not okay. As in, the equivalent of having way too much alcohol. So last night was the best one yet. Between night naps and a day nap for me, I got 5.5 hours (that’s more than I got sometimes when I was pregnant!). Brian ended up with maybe 6-7.

2. Yesterday, my mom hooked me up with a doula/lactation consultant/expert pumper she knows who helped me shift my mindset.

After reading so many stories of yours, especially those with tiny babies, I was realizing it might take Eloise awhile before breastfeeding becomes a thing for her because just, physiologically, it’s unlikely to work for awhile because of her size. (Although I’m happy for it to spontaneously and magically happen before then!) Renee, the gal I spoke with, told me to adjust my expectations. ANd not expect Eloise to begin breastfeeding until she’s more like 8-9 lbs (3.6-4kg). That’s a loong way away since today she’s 2.3 (just at 5 lbs). So, if that’s true, then I can and should stop stressing and just embrace where we’re at right now.

With some meditation yesterday, I think I accepted the fact that though this isn’t ideal (holy shnikes some of you all did this a LONG time, and sometimes without help!), I am incredibly lucky that we are at a point in modern devices that I can even do this at all. Brian called pumping and feeding “the IVF of breastfeeding.” And Lord knows we’ve been through enough IVF (8 tries!) we can get through another, just in another format.

And with some tips the coach gave me, pumping has turned from a chore to a science experiment full of curiosity to figure out how my body works best to optimize things for Eloise. (Rather than “this pumping it taking me away from her” it’s now “I get to prepare her nutritious meals”)

Also, I found out from the coach that some of my pump parts were just not the right size and were contributing to having some problems. So, a friend helped us do some super sleuthing to find the right size equipment and Brian picked it up today. I can already tell pumping will now be getting better. At least I have a lot more optimism.

3. I got some good follow-up advice from my cousin who is a pediatrician.

A cousin of mine is a pediatrician and offered help if I ever needed it once we had Eloise. I realized now was the time to take her up on her offer. I asked a bunch of normal parent questions coupled with “tiny baby” questions and her responses were super helpful and gave us clarity. (Like we can stretch her feedings a bit more in the middle of the night to more like 3-4 hours to give her more time to rest rather than continuing to wake her up every 2.5 hours to eat.)

4. A co-worker’s partner is a doctor here in Estonia and had also offered, months ago, to help me understand anything.

So I took her up on it and we chatted through my experience at the hospital and she looked through all the discharge notes they sent me home with. There was a ton of surprisingly positive information just no one had told me. The long story short is that she had low blood sugar immediately after c-section which is likely why she went to the NICU. They did x-rays on her hands and feet and while her little toes only have 2 bones instead of 3, that still shouldn’t be a problem for the operation. Plus, the MRI showed lesions/cysts that could be benign (or completely not affect her at all), but they want to rule out all the possible negative causes first just as a precaution. They have already ruled out a few viruses through her lab results.

5. All of your help and support.

I cannot even begin to say how much it’s meant to me all of your stories and personal insights and all of my Estonian friends and acquaintances that have messaged me to help or offer something. I have cried countless times just feeling… not alone. Part of why I haven’t updated is because I’m going through so many of the resources you sent. Just… thank you. Thank you.

And I’m adding in here a few photos of Eloise and Brian and I. In the hospital I didn’t want to take any photos because I realized it just wasn’t something I wanted to remember. But it was time I had my first photo with her now that we’re on the other side of that.

Our tiny little fighter. I think, I hope, is going to be okay.

(And thankfully I thought to write our doctor who we have an appointment with on Monday to ask if we needed a translator. She, instead, cancelled our appointment and gave us one with a different doctor on Tuesday who does speak English. Hallelujah!)

Saturday, February 13 Fussy hungry baby

This is our milk gobbler’s favorite position, especially when we are changing her diaper. And our new favorite outfit because there are no sleeves or snaps! (Thanks Aunt Whitney!)

Today seems like a growth spurt day.

Give her milk and she gulps it down. Burp her and watch her start to fall asleep.
5-10 minutes later she wakes herself up from her half sleep and politely asks for more food.
Repeat steps 1 & 2 several more times. But get increasingly more fussy until she finally falls asleep an hour or so after we’ve begun.

She’s lucky she’s so cute and tiny. It’s hard to be mad at her.

PLUS, today, I managed to get a full 6 hours of sleep (albeit in short naps), Brian got to do our laundry, and Eloise got her first visitor (who just tested Covid-19 negative.)

Today was a good day, despite her sometimes fussy demands. that hopefully means she’s just growing.

And she’s making baby steps towards breastfeeding, practicing for when she gets bigger and can finally handle it. I think someone noted that at least we know exactly how much she eats, and that’s one less thing to worry about, especially with her size. Tiny babies are notorious for getting super tired when they breastfeed because it’s too much work for them. So feeling thankful we can spare her that, at least.

Feb 16, 2021 Our first specialist visit

This little one should have fallen asleep an hour ago but nope. Awake with intermittent storms of fussy or hungry. On our way to her first specialist follow up visit at the hospital.

Feb 17, 2021 Pumping pumping pumping

Sound on so you can hear the cutest, funniest sounds she makes when she’s super hungry and gets angry the milk doesn’t come fast enough.

YESTERDAY’S DOCTOR’S APPOINTMENT

Hearing test. Her ears were big enough that she finally passed the hearing test!!
Weight gain. She gained some weight, around 125 grams from last Monday. The doctor said that’s okay but not as high as they would like it to be.
Eating. For her size, last week the doctor recommended she eat around 350ml per day. However, since getting home, she normally eats somewhere between 400-500. (And boy does she poop a lot!) The doctor yesterday said then let’s give her a goal of trying to feed her 500ml per day the rest of this week. We will go in again on Friday to weigh her and see if consistently feeding her more helped.
Geneticist. We’ve got our appointment scheduled with the geneticist for the second week of March. But if results come back faster, she’ll give us a call. So much of the testing and results is riding on the results and we are just hoping it comes back that she’s chromosomally normal with no genetic abnormalities. Thankfully, the lady is so kind and is emotionally a very soft, thoughtful human. So glad about that.
Breastfeeding coaching. While we were there, we visited the breastfeeding support coaches. That… did not go well. She screamed the entire time the lady tried to help her, and then fell asleep. The lady scheduled us a new appointment for Friday, right before the doctors. On the positive side, they checked and she doesn’t have a tongue tie. So that’s one less problem she might need to overcome.

IN OTHER UPDATES

Calmer now. She had a few super fussy days in a row but that seems to mostly have died down. Now she’s back to 3-4 feedings where she’s just super hungry (probably cluster feeding stuff). So I’m hopeful there’s no allergies or problems with her tummy yet.
Too little to latch. It’s becoming pretty clear that she is likely just too small to latch just yet. Nipple shields don’t help. It’s just the size of her tiny mouth. But many feedings I’m trying to get her used to the thought of where milk actually comes from. (If she stresses or cries, though, I move her away. Hoping to give her mostly positive associations there. She will occasionally latch for a few seconds but that’s about it. It’s clear she’s proud uncomfortable.)
Investing in pumping. If it will be awhile before she latched (could be months with the rate she’s currently growing despite her huge appetite), then Brian and I decided to go all in to make exclusively pumping as easy as possible. So with some help from my parents we are investing in a set of wireless, cordless pumpers that I should be able to wear and still syringe feed her or do stuff around the house at the same time. Considering right now I spend 4.5 hours a day pumping (and 4.5 hours a day sleeping), and can’t do much else at the same time, I’m really looking forward to getting back a few hours so I can actually spend more time with our sweet little one. (And, yes, I still cry multiple times a day from gratification when I look at her.)
Milk production. Thankfully, at the moment with the resources and experiences so many of you shared, my milk supply is around 600-700ml a day and she eats 400-500. So I feel a little less nervous. We are finally at the point where we need to start freezing some or it will go off.
Paternity leave. Brian’s 1 month paternity leave will be up at the end of next week (sadly 1 week of it was used just waiting on my induction, but nothing to be done about that now). I am so so so so thankful he’s been here with me and we have been able to figure out so much of this together.
Meals. My workplace, Salv, kindly gave us takeaway food vouchers that we have been living off for dinner for the past few weeks. Gosh that’s made things easier.
Maternity leave. Fun fact for all those who aren’t privileged to live in Estonia. I get 1.5 years paid maternity leave. And for all my American friends, despite healthcare being free and maternity being alone great here, the tax rate is actually lower in Estonia than in the States. So I’ll start flying it solo soon. Moral of the story is that Estonia is amazing.

But, really, your support and comments and suggestions (apps, sites, your experience) and help and prayers and good vibes have made this journey a whole lot easier so far. We don’t feel so alone.