It’s been nearly a month now since that Saturday we rushed to the hospital with Eloise. You’d think we would be back in the swing of regular life by now but, strangely, we aren’t.
It almost feels like Brian and I are starting over from scratch. Most days I do almost no physiotherapy with Eloise (maybe because she’s still doing a lot of crying from teething pain). Neither Brian nor I have figured out who does what and when with Eloise. We almost live meal by meal figuring out what either of us will eat next. And there’s a long list of research topics (like CBD for her seizures or an alternative communication device to start with) and household tasks (like our plan to clean out the garage together while my parents are here) that have been put completely on the backburner.
I guess a hospital trip, a bout of illness, and two teeth in one month might do that to a family.
More foods is almost harder
It’s weird. I was telling someone this week that being able to eat everything adds a lot more complexity and, well, stress. I wasn’t really expecting that.
Before, when Eloise had all of the food intolerances, I ate the same 12 things every single day. I’d made peace with it and, other than the annoyance of not being about to eat anything if we left the house (except for pears, if I brought along a peeler), it was okay. Other than an intense day of cooking once a week, it was actually really simple. I didn’t need to think or plan because it was the same thing over and over.
Now that the hospital food helped us find out Eloise has grown out of her food intolerances (at least those via breastmilk), it means all the snacks and recipes are back on the table for me. Weirdly, I’ve had times where I’ve almost been paralyzed by the weight of the many decisions I have to make. What will I eat for a snack? Have I had too many carbs or sugars for the day, is there a healthier alternative? What will I eat for breakfast? Should I eat the same thing every morning or should I mix it up? What will I eat when I stop through the grocery store? Should I get something fast or healthy? Is there something that is both? What restaurant do I feel like ordering from? What dish sounds nice? Am I getting enough vegetables every day? How can I fit more veggies into my diet?
I had forgotten how heavy a mental load it is to decide what to eat. I just hadn’t been anticipating how much easier it was to eat so simply. As I write now, I have 4 dishes I need to make in the next day or two so Brian and I both have something to eat. It feels a little overwhelming. Okay, a lot overwhelming.
Yet still, I was walking through the grocery store yesterday, smiling with relief. Just 2 months ago as I walked down the baby food aisle I felt such sadness as I looked through all of the labels — Eloise only had a single “safe food” she could eat in that entire aisle of pre-packaged foods made for kids like her. But, now she’s been introduced to tens of foods in the last 2 months and, save for one food, hasn’t seemed to have had any more reactions.
Despite the newly added stress, I am so thankful. I’ll get used to meal planning again. (And the additional weight that is quickly adding itself back to my body.)
The tooth came in! Along with another seizure.
Wednesday morning, two days before Eloise’s 4th tooth broke through, she had a little seizure. Thankfully, it was around 2 minutes and we didn’t need to grab any rescue medications because she was able to get out of the seizure herself. But, if there is a pattern, this seems to be it: one to two days before each tooth (or teeth) have broken through, she gets seizures.
A friend whose daughter also gets seizures and some other pain episodes had said to me, “pain begets pain.” Which might mean poor little Eloise may get seizures every time she gets a new tooth — or illness. If that’s true, then I’m already starting to worry about the thought of sending her off to preschool (lasteaed) — kids get sent home almost every other week with some kind of sickness. And if sickness, for Eloise, means seizures, then we might need to think long and hard about when she goes off to school.
Finally recovered from norovirus
Thankfully, by Tuesday Brian and Eloise seemed to be mostly over their battles with norovirus. Before that, Eloise was eating maybe 1/3 of her normal amount for about 2 weeks — I assume because of an upset tummy and teeth pain — and I was starting to get really worried. I definitely googled how to tell if your baby is dehydrated (the fact she was still peeing, had real tears, and passed the skin turgor test a friend mentioned to me meant we could at least stay out of the hospital). But, thankfully, despite continued teeth pain she’s back to her regular eating for the most part.
If you’ve been reading our blogs, you’ll know we’ve had so many fears and ups and downs with her eating. Every time we hit a prolonged rough patch, though, I wonder if this will be the time that she doesn’t get better but, rather worse.
The good news is that even though some of these rough patches have lasted month, she’s eventually improved each time.
But I have a feeling this will not be the last time we get worried again.
New skills unlocked!
Something cool, though.
Every time Eloise’s teeth have come in, within a day or two we’ve noticed she has a new gross motor skill.
After the first two teeth she could suddenly roll from her back to her belly with ease. After her top tooth came in the hospital, she started grabbing her feet with her hands. And now, after this tooth, it seems she’s now sticking her tongue out of her mouth (which is pretty darn cute if you ask me).
I guess if she’s going to go through an enormous amount of pain, eating struggles with weight loss, and maybe a few seizures, she might as well get a bonus skill out of it. Right?
Hurting baby = Clingy baby
One of the adorable things about her being sick or in pain is that, along with crying a lot, she essentially refuses to be put down. Which means Brian has had to do lots of beatboxing and I’ve had to do a lot of dancing around the room while singing “Wheels on the Bus” with her. Oh, and often having to hold her in our arms or put her next to us in bed so she’ll fall back asleep at night.
While it makes it a little more complicated to get anything done during the day, I can’t say I mind too much. It is really nice to get in those extra snuggles.
The book is done!
I mentioned last week that I was finishing up a 68 page book of Estonian nature photographs from our neighborhood. Well, it’s done!
There are two options, now.
1. A physical copy (coffee table book) for $75 (66 EUR)
Books aren’t cheap to make, so the price tag is similar to normal coffee table photography books — $75 (66 EUR).
But if someone volunteers to coordinate/organize everyone (we’d need one volunteer in Estonia and one volunteer in the States) then there’s a 30% discount. Books would be $52.50 (46.50 EUR) each if there were 10 people interested and one of them collected money from everyone and then mailed out all the books to people when they arrived.
2. A digital copy (PDF) for donations
This was a great idea a friend mentioned (thanks, Bence!). I made a PDF version of the book (it’s around 170MB) so you can download it and view it on your device or print it. And then send a donation of whatever you feel like.
I’ll stop with the boring details, though. If you want to learn more about the book (and check if I’ve recently found any coupons to make the physical copy cheaper) you can check out all of the information here.
Mostly, feeling grateful
In the US it was thanksgiving week. There’s a lot of shady stuff that the original pilgrims did to native Americans a long time ago that I won’t get into, but at least the spirit of the holiday is to feel gratitude for great stuff in your life. Even without a day to mark thanks, I was feeling pretty thankful. I’m so thankful for you all in our village. You make our life (and little Eloise’s) all the sweeter.
Hugs from us to you,
Mallory, Eloise, and Brian
Eloise The Tiny Fighter 
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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