Accidentally Estonian

Many of our Estonian friends and acquaintances have a (mostly) unspoken life mantra — always expect the worst to happen, that way if it does, you weren’t disappointed, and if it doesn’t, then you will feel surprisingly happy.

As humans who grew up in the USA, our mantra is a bit different. Unconsciously, we always seem to think things are going to be okay.

But. Well. Nearly four years of Eloise and countless traumas later and we are finding even our American optimism has limits.

Last night, as it dawned on us that Eloise had had been sick for 14 days and showed no signs of getting better, we had a sinking feeling that the scheduled doctor’s visit today would result in yet another hospitalization for Eloise.

Last night, as we discussed the likely hospital stay, I cried and Brian tried not to panic (we are pretty sure he has some PTSD from so many hospitalizations over the last year). And we packed.

Going to bed last night, getting ready today, during all of it my body was full of dread. And feeling absolutely hopeless.

But then.

Much to our surprise, today went well. Actually, amazingly well for our low standards these days. Which meant Brian and I ended the day feeling full and warm and happy and grateful.

It made me laugh to realize the Estonian mindset really worked for us today. We expected the worst and, when it didn’t come, we felt surprisingly grateful.

To celebrate, Brian and I decided to skip cooking at home tonight and drive a few minutes down the road to our local pizza place for dinner with the kids. Though the food wasn’t great, we definitely were. We kept smiling and laughing and talking about how wonderful today was and how grateful we were that we were sitting there all together. Our hearts were full.

Here’s the bullet point version of the good stuff that happened with Eloise today 

• Eloise’s runny nose disappeared by this morning 
• Her diarrhea was better than yesterday 
• The hospital is going to test her 💩 for answers
• We have some strong cream to treat her 🍑
• We have a clearer plan of when to bring her to emergency
• She had the happiest evening she’s in 6+ months (according to Brian)
• Eloise decided she even wanted to eat some dinner with us (the first time in 2+ weeks)

By the time bedtime rolled around, Brian and I could both feel our American optimism creeping back in, because we were imagining our happy Eloise is back to stay and she has no more GI or food issues.

Except. Well. We know that’s unlikely.

But. Well. Today at least was pretty great.

Thank you, honestly, to everyone who prayed or sent us good thoughts. We are lucky.