With every new virus comes an onslaught of seizures

For the third time since we came home less than a month ago, Eloise has a virus. Which now means days of almost constant seizures.

Considering she just had 5 days in a row of only 1-2 seizures per day and was beginning to act like herself again, this super sucks.

So yesterday, as Baby K was falling asleep for the night, I did some listening prayer.

I picked a recent happy moment and imagined it again, letting warmth fill my body. Then I looked back on my day, feeling sadness when I saw Eloise. Sure, there were breaks of a few hours in between her seizure onslaught, but then they’d come back — often so bad she’d turn blue.

Though you’d think we were used to it by now, I saw myself get more and more worried as the day went on. I saw myself get short tempered with Brian. I saw myself feel overwhelmed when Baby K began to fuss. I saw myself stress eating a snack.

I felt sad. I looked to Jesus in my imagination. “These tough times just keep coming. I need to grow more capacity to deal with the hard stuff.”

Suddenly I felt his gaze on me. I felt his kindness. His warmth. His appreciation.

I felt puzzled but curious, “Jesus what did you notice about my day?”

His face broke out into a huge grin. “I saw you growing capacity.”

Suddenly a rush of moments from the day flooded my memory. I saw the dear human who has become our emergency babysitter, Baby K watcher, weekend helper, and friend these last months. I saw several local strangers I connected with online and in person as we sold our stuff. I saw so many happy, smiley moments with Baby K. I saw a lovely woman who is a fan of Eloise who prays for and supports all of us. I saw our laughter-filled lunch time as we discussed and ordered music instruments for Eloise and Baby K.

As I watched all of it unfold before my eyes, I heard Jesus say “This is what it looks like for you to build capacity to face the hard stuff — having joy-filled moments of appreciation with others. If you keep making room, then next week you’ll be able to handle more. Next month even more. In 6 months even more. In a year, in 5 year, in 10 years even more. Today you already have more capacity than you did last month. You are growing and it is beautiful.”

Even in our brokenness, we may still be growing.

Send your love and prayers to our Eloise.

P.S. Though this keto diet really feels like rocket science and makes me want to cry way too often (and no, it is not the same as the keto diet everyone uses for weightloss), I am still hoping it works. Because the side effects from these drugs are no joke. But neither are the seizures that happen without them.